Congress Gives Unelected Foreign Monarch 14 Standing Ovations; Still Can't Pass a Budget

WASHINGTON, D.C. — King Charles III of Great Britain addressed a joint session of Congress on Tuesday to fourteen standing ovations, multiple rounds of sustained applause, and at least one lawmaker visibly wiping away tears — a level of warmth that congressional veterans note has not been seen since 1991, when his mother visited, and has never once been extended to a sitting U.S. president. "He was wonderful. He talked about unity, shared history, our common values," said Rep. Brad Winters (R-TX), who walked out of the last State of the Union during the pledge of allegiance. "Really inspiring stuff. Very kingly." The visit, arranged to celebrate the 250th anniversary of American independence from Britain, has struck some historians as tonally complex. "We spent eight years fighting a war specifically to not have to listen to this man's ancestors," noted Dr. Ruth Ellison of Yale's Department of Revolutionary History. "And yet here we are, weeping because he mentioned our 'remarkable courage.' It's a lot." King Charles, who pointedly split from Trump on climate and foreign policy, received a longer standing ovation for the word "reconciliation" than any American leader has received for an entire speech in the past decade. Asked whether Congress could achieve similar bipartisanship on domestic issues, House Speaker Mike Johnson said he would "form a working group to study the monarchy model" before calling a recess. At press time, the federal government was still operating without a budget, the king's motorcade had gotten a longer police escort than any infrastructure bill in living memory, and thirteen members of Congress had already introduced legislation proposing an official national apology for 1776.