Scientists Confirm Posting Strong Opinion On Internet Still Does Absolutely Nothing

CAMBRIDGE, MA — An MIT study published Monday confirms that eleven years of longitudinal data show no measurable change in public policy, cultural norms, or human behavior resulting from any individual social media post. "We tracked 14,000 users across major platforms," said lead researcher Dr. Aisha Nakamura. "The graph is a flat line. We double-checked. It is very flat." The study found that posts described as "if this does not make you angry, nothing will" produced no anger that led to any action beyond sharing the post. "Awareness was definitely raised," Dr. Nakamura noted. "Of what remains unclear." The study was funded by a man who has posted 40,000 times. He called the results "interesting" and immediately posted about them. The post received 12 likes, seven of which were bots.