Milei Announces 'Freedom-Compatible Subsidies,' Dares Economists to Define the Word 'Free'

BUENOS AIRES — Argentine President Javier Milei held an impassioned press conference Thursday praising the invisible hand of the free market while simultaneously announcing exchange rate controls, export restrictions, and what he called "freedom-compatible subsidies." "Free markets are the only path to prosperity," Milei said, slamming a copy of Hayek's *The Road to Serfdom* on the podium. "However, Argentina's markets require a brief period of government captivity in order to become free. It's like a butterfly. You must trap it in a jar first." "That's not how butterflies work," said Dr. Sofia Herrera of the University of Buenos Aires. "And it's definitely not how markets work." The IMF, which recently approved a $20 billion package for Argentina, released a two-word statement: "We know."