Both Parties Release Competing Fundraising Emails About Crisis They Caused Together

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Leaders from both parties held a rare joint press conference Monday to assure the public that the nation's unprecedented crisis is, in fact, a tremendous opportunity. "Every generation faces a defining challenge," said Senate Majority Leader Tom Brickman. "For our grandparents it was the Depression. For us, it's this thing I'm told is very bad but that I'm choosing to frame as exciting." House Speaker Linda Cates agreed: "Americans don't ask 'Why us?' They ask 'How can we leverage this into a midterm slogan?' And I think that's beautiful." A bipartisan task force will study the crisis, with its first report expected in eighteen months — six months after the crisis is projected to resolve itself without government involvement. At press time, both parties had released competing fundraising emails about the opportunity, each blaming the other for causing it.